Soap is not a condiment
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
