It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
