Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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