I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
