You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
