The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
