if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
