so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize