We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I want to make a zoo with you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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