She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
i believe in u and ur pee
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we should paint friendship bongs
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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