I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
