So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
