so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Fuck appropriateness.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
