I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
