There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
