she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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