My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
