I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
