i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
