I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
