Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
how drunk are you?
Several
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize