I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
