I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
