i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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