You made me cry and you don't even care
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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