I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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