I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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