You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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