I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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