If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
