I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
