I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
