My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
