woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
do nipples grow back?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize