and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We need to get me chipped asap
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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