Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
