you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
