I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
