my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
