That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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