yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
