is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
