I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
