i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
