Define "chronic" masturbator.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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