i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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