They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
