Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
