would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The beer is more important than you right now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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