She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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