i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
