I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
