I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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