So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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