i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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