is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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