Rock
Scissors
Fuck
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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