And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
