He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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