Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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