Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize