rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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