why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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