so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
