Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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