Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
