She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
