I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
