Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
