The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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