I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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