Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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