so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
