Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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