I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize